The Bicycle Boutique: a Prognosis of the Future?

Bicycle shops in the US can be divided into several categories. Typical local bike shops sell a wide range of bicycles, from road, to mountain, to utility bikes and beyond. Then there are the specialised bike shops that stock only a specific kind of bicycle - for example, European city bikes. There are also the community co-op bike shops and the used bike shops. And finally, there are the bicycle boutiques.

The boutique bike shop is a relatively new phenomenon. It is designed to resemble a gallery space rather than a store, and often incorporates a coffee shop or a lounge area.  The space features an open floor plan and minimalist decor. The stock of bicycles and accessories is kept intentionally sparse, so that each item receives individual attention. The staff usually have a personal connection to the shop. Instead of sales pitches, there is a calm curatorial demeanor. And the careful selection of bicycles tends to be on the high-end side.

In the Boston area, the latest and much talked about bicycle boutique is the Ride Studio Cafe in Lexington, and I have stopped by a couple of times when cycling through the area.

The Ride Studio Cafe sells mainly two types of bicycles. There are high end road bikes by the world-famous Seven Cycles that are built right here in Watertown, MA.

And there are budget city bicycles (diamond frame and mixtes) from the San Francisco-based Public Bikes.

There is also apparel by Rapha and Campagnolo, as well as a variety of chamois creams and embrocation lotions. 

In the back is a small workshop and storage area that is separated from the main floor, but accessible to visitors.

My first reaction upon entering the store, was an intimidated amazement upon seeing so many (titanium?) Seven bicycles in the same place, casually propped against walls here and there. Though I am not normally attracted to modern, non-lugged roadbikes, there is something about Seven Cycles that is just so impeccable that my eye cannot help but be drawn to them. I moved one of the bikes aside in order to photograph it, but got so nervous touching and positioning the beautiful, feather-light and extremely expensive machine, that after one picture with shaking hands I decided to put it back. Later it occurred to me that these bicycles are floor models and people probably test ride them all the time. Not sure whether I would be able to handle that, but the idea of test riding a Seven is tempting.

During the several months of its fledgling existence, the Ride Studio Cafe has been a frequent topic of conversation among local bicycle enthusiasts, with speculations regarding its long-term feasibility. Is the population of Lexington and the surrounding towns really so affluent as to keep the boutique afloat with regular purchases of Seven bicycles and Rapha gear? And while the affordable Public bikes are a good way to diversify, is it enough?  If the answer to all of that is "yes", I think it is a fantastic sign of changing priorities among the segment of population with disposable income. Interestingly, the worse the economy is doing, the more of such boutiques are opening up. Could that indicate that more affluent suburban residents are choosing to purchase a silver Seven instead of the usual silver Lexus? 

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Spending Power: Who's #1?

Since the dawn of cycling, humankind has sought to spend as much money on equipment as possible. In the 19th century, hale wheelmen would covet laterally stiff and vertically enormous handcrafted pennyfarthing frames, quasi-legal narcotic-infused brain tonics, and wheels shod in the finest Amazonian rubbers. Decades later, in the era of Fausto Coppi, early proto-Freds would don shorts with mink chamoises and glue tires spun from the silk of debutantes' undergarments to their ultra-low spoke count 36-hole rims using glues made from the hooves of Thoroughbreds. This tradition of gross expenditure continues today, as Category 5 investment bankers quaff quasi-legal energy tonics, straddle $10,000 worth of crabon fribé, and monitor their meager power output with exotic electronic equipment that would shame a Stanford University earthquake researcher.

All of this raises an important question: "What is the most expensive cycling discipline today?" This query is especially crucial if you work for a bicycle company, since it's vital to know which component of the cycling demographic is most desperate to spend too much money on crap that will either break for be "obsolete" by season's end. For many years, the common wisdom was that the biggest spenders were roadies, who would actually pay for snake oil if you told them it was good for lubricating ceramic bearings. Then came mountain bikers and their lust for vulgar Kleins and machined anodized purple boutique componentry. In turn, both of these groups were then eclipsed by the triathletes, who thought nothing of paying thousands of dollars for a slight aerodynamic advantage while at the same time employing a stem riser and riding in sneakers.

However, today a new cycling super-consumer has emerged. He (or she) possess the weight weenie-ism of the roadie, the dirt-oriented geekery of the mountain biker, and the grossly disproportionate dollar-per-mile ratio of the triathlete. This rider, of course, is the so-called "cyclocross" racer, and if someone willing to spend $1,500 on crabon wheels, $150 on a single knobby tire, and 5 hours driving in order to ride a bike for 45 minutes did not actually exist then the bicycle industry would have had to invent him.

At this point you may be saying to yourself: "Wait, I've heard of this 'cyclo-cross.' Isn't that the one where people hang out and drink beer, and where I don't need to buy a new bike because it's OK to race my vulgar Klein as long as I remove the purple bar ends? What's so expensive about that?" Well, there's nothing at all expensive about that--except the "cyclo-cross" of yestermonth bears about as much resemblance to "CX 2.0" as the pennyfarthing does to the latest 11-speed crabon fribé Fred-conveyor. While old-timey cyclocross was about barriers, CX 2.0 is about barriers to entry, as you can see from this list of "What to bring to a cyclocross race" from VeloNews:

As I read this, I had to keep checking the headline to make sure it was actually about cyclocross and that I hadn't been rerouted to some sort of instructional on producing your own music festival. Do you really need to bring a Coleman PerfectFlow to a cyclocross race so you can engage in the time-honored activity of "cooking your own brats?" Is that French press really necessary? Can you get by without the Crazy Legs Leisure Chairs and the Deluxe Bike Cubes and "The Stick" self-massage tool and the stationary trainer and the boutique embrocations with organic ingredients that would probably also taste delicious on your "brats?" Apparently, the answer to all these questions is: "Yes, you do need to bring enough equipment and furniture to reproduce the interior of a San Francisco coffee shop and/or survive 'off the grid' for six months so you can race in the rain for 45 minutes." And don't forget that "Lion of Flanders" flag, since this whole "flambullient" production hinges on maintaining the delusion that you're from another country.

Of course, while following this guide may successfully transform you into the biggest Lion of Flanders-waving, cowbell-ringing, "brat"-grilling cyclocross dork of all time, it says nothing about the actual bicycle you'll need in order to compete in the increasingly competitive arena that is CX 2.0. "Back in the day" (by which in this context I mean last season) pretty much any steel or aluminum bike with cantilever studs was sufficient, but now only the laterally stiff and vertically marketed ride of crabon will do:

By the way, if $2,500 for a cyclocross "module" doesn't sound like a lot of money to you, keep in mind you'll need two of these since it's essential to have an identical bike in the pit. And obviously once you've built up your two "modules" you'll need multiple sets of mud-shedding crabon wheels glued with tires for every conceivable weather condition. As for how to transport two bicycles, multiple pairs of wheels, a Coleman PerfectFlow, a French press, cowbells, nationalist symbols, coffee beans, "brats," chairs, embrocations, a trainer, massage equipment, and presumably your own body, the article doesn't address that either, but something like this is a good choice:

Just be sure to opt for race venues that are conveniently situated near harbors with adequate stevedoring facilities.

Granted, it's also possible that this list is simply a "red herring," and that it's actually intended to frighten away the "hipsters" who have been threatening to infiltrate cyclocross racing for the past couple of years. No "hipster" could ever amass, care for, and transport this amount of equipment. Even the ones who form the mobile "hipster" strike forces known as "bands" can barely manage to keep a couple of guitar amps working or keep a dilapidated van from getting towed, which makes CX 2.0 as portrayed in the VeloNews piece out of the question.

I'd argue that it's unnecessary to try to frighten "hipsters" away from cyclocross, since at this point it's pretty clear to me that they're only interested in the bicycles--which is why they get excited about idiotic bikes like this. However, there are still those who worry that a few of them might actually attempt to ride their cyclocross bikes (or cyclocross-themed track bikes) in a race. This could also be why the VeloNews article contains a sensational warning about caustic mud:

Dried mud from racing is not the same as a spa treatment and can start to burn or sting as it dries.

Yes, who hasn't headed out on a warm-up lap, only to wind up writhing on the ground in pain and screaming, "It burns, it burns!!!"? Indeed, expensive "performance skincare" is your only line of defense--especially if you tend to race near ports with stevedoring facilities, where groundwater toxicity can be unusually high.

Meanwhile, a reader has alerted me to the fact that, in the KLM airlines in-flight magazine, the Dutch are congratulating themselves for taking over the sidewalks of New York City with their giant bicycles:

For those of you unfamiliar with New York City, it should come as no surprise to you to learn that the Dutch bike riders pictured above are "salmoning" wantonly. Note also that the story identifies someone named "Chris Clement" as a typical example of "the new breed of New York commuter." Apparently before buying a Dutch bike, Clement commuted by car from Brooklyn to Manhattan. "There wasn't any alternative," he explains. "The subway was overcrowded and inconvenient, and dangerous roads were choked with trucks and irate motorists."

Actually, there are transportation alternatives for gentrified dandies who find the subway distasteful, and they're called "Vespas." However, increasingly the Vespa customer base appears to be defecting to Dutch bikes:

Clement’s biking epiphany hasn’t stopped at abandoning his luxury German sedan though. In June, he upgraded his ride to a Batavus stadsfiets, a traditional, two-wheel Dutch bicycle, purchased from Rolling Orange, a newly opened Brooklyn bike shop owned by Dutchman Ad Hereijgers.

Hereijgers intends Rolling Orange, with its array of stadsfiets and bakfiets (bikes with cargo crates) to be much more than a simple cycle store. “I want to bring Dutch biking culture to New York,” he says. “I want to encourage New Yorkers to switch gears, slow down and enjoy their travel time. I call it the Slow Revolution.”

Evidently, whether it's cyclocross or Dutch bikes, the average American is only able to partake in cycling if he can spend a lot of money and pretend to be from another country while he does it. However, not all riders are adopting Low Country affectations--some remain proudly American, like the seller of this bicycle, which I learned about on the Tweeter:

2010 Trek 1.5 - $850 (Azusa, CA)

Date: 2010-10-04, 6:08PM PDT

Reply to: [deleted]

This bike has been a great friend to me but I am joining the Marine Corps and need to sell it. I know that it would be a great shame for this bike to sit in storage while I am away.

1.5 Aluminum Frame

56cm

All Bontrager Racing Extras (wheels, tires, handle bar assembly)

18 speed.

Step-up Braking System

Also Including Bontrager Bike Pump, Kryptonite Bike Lock, Giro Helmet and Specialized Gloves.

This bike is more than just a bike, its mechanical poetry.

Riding this bike is like discovering an extinct species still living in some enchanted forest, or making friends with a T-Rex. It is like walking on the moon while eating a funnel cake- like falling asleep on a bed of cotton candy, like slow dancing with Joe DiMaggio.

The frame was forged in the fires of Mt. Doom, and it's handlebars pulled from the horns of a raging bull.

This bike is guaranteed to make you physically capable of doing things that Superman himself dreams of. With its help, you will fly into the night like a white-hot bullet of justice and awesome. This bike will make you three times as likely to win a date with Scarlet Johannson, and twice as likely to make you mayor of your city.

To pass up this work of glory is like not finishing the all-you-can-eat hot wings challenge when you have only one to go.

So please, don't miss this opportunity of a lifetime. It will make you a better person, a better friend, and a better lover.

So help me God.

Best of all, because it's a road bike, you won't need any culinary equipment.

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Getting Around: Baby got BRA

This past last weekend, I went to a place called Massachusetts. Massachusetts is a state in the United States of America. The United States of America is sometimes called "Canada's Undercarriage." Massachusetts used to have Ted Kennedy but he died. That was sad. A long time ago Ted Kennedy's car went into the water and he was OK but the lady who was with him died. That was sad. I think the people in Massachusetts must be the nicest people in all of Canada's Undercarriage. Massachusetts has a city called Boston that is the capital of Massachusetts. Here is a park called Fenway Park, where the Boston baseball team plays baseball:

(Fenway Park Stadiumway, home of the Red Colorway Sox)

The reason I went to Boston, of course, was because on Friday evening I partook in a "BRA" (or Book-Related Appearance) at Landry's Bike Shop on Commonwealth Avenue, and the above photo was taken by me on the afternoon ride that preceded this BRA. As you can see, it was precipitating during this ride, which immediately qualified it as an "epic." Alas, the Great Lobster on High had set the nozzle of his celestial spray bottle to "mist," and only a handful of Boston's most epically-inclined riders showed to brave the light drizzle that eventually transitioned to steady rain once the Great Lobster switched to the "spray" setting. However, even in small numbers, this group was intimidating enough to force me to "salmon"--for if you're familiar with the Fenway area you may have noticed that we're going the wrong way.

Here's an over-the-shoulder shot of our hale party fording the mighty Charles River:

And here we are receiving information and historical facts about the area from a gentleman with a beard:

I prefer to receive information from the amply-bearded, for beards are authoritative and lend the wearer's words additional credence and gravitas. In fact, when told something by the smoothly-shaven or naturally hairless, I am usually skeptical and will often seek out a bearded person for corroboration. Anyway, here we are at Boston Common, where apparently you're still technically allowed to bring cattle for grazing. Foolishly, I had just assumed that Boston would not offer much in the way of grazing opportunities, and behind the camera I am kicking myself for leaving my prize Holstein at home.

Also, we saw a giant baby's head:

As you can see, the baby's expression is ambiguous, and we speculated as to whether this baby could accurately be described as "nonplussed." The fact is, without pupils it's difficult to tell. For example, the baby could be nonplussed bordering on aghast:


Or the baby could be feigning innocence:


Or the baby could be contemplating a question before answering it:

Or the baby could just be feeling "kooky:"

I suspect this is precisely the artist's intent, and that he means to evoke the notion that each one of us is a tabula rasa until we are shaped by our experiences--either that, or he just figured it would be pretty sick to make a big baby head, and that it would totally look like an army of giant babies was crawling out of the Earth if you were baked.

Meanwhile, back at Old Man Landry's, the stage was being set for my BRA:

One chair is for me, and the other is for Andrew Steinhouse, who interrogated me in the manner of James Lipton while projecting relevant images behind us. Here is what it looked like from the cockpit:

(The chairs immediately in front of me are vacant due to my spitting problem.)

I greatly enjoyed this BRA, and words are scarcely sufficient to convey my gratitude to Andrew Steinhouse for organizing the ride, MCing the event, and generally "curating" the entire thing with aplomb; Landry's for being gracious hosts; and the people of Boston for enduring both the rain and my tedious ramblings in order to get free pizza and beer. (There was free pizza and beer.) In fact, words are so inadequate that I'm not even going to bother, and instead I'm going to allow Mr. Neil Diamond to express my emotions for me:



The following day, my heart light still glowing with gratitude, I traveled to Gloucester (the Fish Stick Capital of America) in order to enjoy the "cyclo-cross." Here is dramatic video of the race in which I participated (not taken by me), in which you can see another participant invert himself within seconds of the start:

(That's not supposed to happen.)

As for my own performance, I'm not ashamed to say that when it comes to the "cyclo-cross" I put the "can't" in "cantis," and I spent the ensuing 45 minutes on the verge of tears with a giant snot bubble in my nose. Then, I watched the pros. Here's a picture of Ryan Trebon putting his bicycle back between his legs:

Speaking of professional cyclists, this past weekend the World Championship Elite Men's Road Race took place in Australia (New Zealand's Disembodied Goiter), and of course all eyes were on one rider: Dimitry Fofonov, who eventually "foffed" his way into 12th place.


The winner was lactose enthusiast Thor Hushovd, who undoubtedly felt lighter than milk in his post-victory elation. Here, he compares the weight of his World Championship medal to the weight a pint of half-and-half (out of frame) and appears to be quite pleased with the result:

Indeed, unlike that giant baby head, Hushovd's expression is entirely unambiguous. It's also completely free from guilt, unlike many "green" people, as you may have read in that New York Times article to which I linked in Friday's post:

Apparently, like the fondling priest, the "green" often have trouble reconciling their higher ideals with their earthly desires. Consider this person, whose luxurious house in Palm Springs is a source of great consternation:

Does Mr. Freed — who said his wife, Laurie, is not a greenie and did not even recycle when they met — have any green guilt about his own lifestyle, which includes a 350-square-foot apartment in San Francisco and a 2,000-square-foot house in Palm Springs, Calif.?

“Nonstop, every minute, are you kidding?” he said. “Every time I set foot in the car. I drive a hybrid and I bought carbon offsets for it, so technically it’s carbon-neutral, but with carbon offsets you’re trading the carbon reduction of one company for the polluting practices of another. I have a 2-year-old child, a little girl — there’s a lot of guilt around the baby, because its stuff is horribly packaged, designed to be disposable, and there are times we have to do things I wouldn’t do for myself, such as disposable water bottles and these plastic placemats we use when we go to the restaurant. They’re great for germs, but disposable, awful things.”

Perhaps the only thing more irritating than listening to a bunch of minimalists brag about how little they own is listening to a bunch of rich people talk about how they're emotionally tortured by their possessions--and of course "possessions" include babies, which are also a tremendous source of guilt and inconvenience and are even referred to as "it" instead of "he" or "she." I look forward to seeing how this new generation of "its" adjusts to the resentment heaped upon them by their parents, bitter about having been forced to cope with the "awful" world of disposable diapers and distasteful packaging. I imagine they'll wind up looking something like this:

Meet the Bard College Class of 2030.

In any case, perhaps some of these guilty parents should really begin living in harmony with the Earth by living entirely off of it and swaddling their children in animal hides. They can then assuage any remaining guilt by using the rest of the animal to make organic leather saddles and antler cockpits, like this example which was submitted to me for "Cockie" consideration:

Here's another, more sporting example of an antler cockpit:

Though if you do kill an animal, swaddle your child in its hide, use its antlers to "curate" your cockpit, and then eat its meat, just make sure the resulting steaks do not contain any clenbuterol.

Or, if you don't have the stomach for hunting, you can always "curate" a cockpit that burns with the brightness of a thousand suns, like this one that was spotted in Baltimore:

In the event of a blackout, he could easily illuminate a Major League Baseball stadium.

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Bike Lane Etiquette?

Having just returned from our stay on Cape Cod, I am greeted with a remarkable development: There are now bike lanes on one of the most hated stretches of road near my neighborhood. While normally I avoid this road, today I found reasons to travel along it multiple times just to experience its Disneyfication - for the city has also planted trees and installed decorative streetlights, in attempts to disguise the faded vinyl-siding of the multi-family homes and the peeling storefront signs that say things like "Used Tires". Why if Boston keeps this up, soon the last of the gritty neighborhoods will turn shiny and pleasant and there will be nothing to complain about!

Apparently, we are hardly the only town experiencing such shocking advances in bicycle infrastructure.  A friend from Virginia has written me with the news that there are now bicycle lanes in Harrisonburg, and he - a lifelong cyclist sans lanes - does not quite know how to behave in them.  Where is one supposed to pass? How to deal with joggers in the lane?

While I am by no means an authority, I will contribute my ideas on bike lane etiquette. Please note that although these contain commentary on safety, they are meant as thoughts on polite behaviour and are not safety tips.

1. Positioning within the bike lane
It is a good idea to cycle in the left half of the bike lane, as this positioning places you out of the "door zone" (i.e. you will not get struck by a car's door, should one suddenly fling open). Occasionally, a misguided cyclist or driver may shout at you to scoot over to the right, so that they can pass you easier - but don't allow yourself to be guilted into listening to them. Instead, politely explain about the door zone and why your positioning in the lane is necessary.

Try to keep to a consistent line within the bike lane; don't weave. Drivers and other cyclists can get freaked out by weaving cyclists, and in turn behave irrationally.

2. Passing other cyclists 
Passing other cyclists should be done on the left, never on the right.  If you pass on the right, you endanger both yourself and the cyclist you pass, by nullifying the distance between the two of you and the door zone. Pass the slower cyclist by going around them on the left (into the traffic lane), naturally checking that the lane is clear first.  Should another cyclist attempt to pass you on the right (you can sometimes sense them coming up behind you), I think it is perfectly fine to tell them not to do this ("Please don't pass on the right" or "Please pass me on the left").

3. Yielding to turning vehicles
Yield to turning vehicles in the lane, be they cars or other bicycles, instead of attempting to go around them as they are making the turn. Even if you manage to do this safely, it is disturbing to the vehicle to suddenly see you beside them as they attempt to execute a traffic maneuver.

4. Yielding to pedestrians
If the bike lane intersects a crosswalk, yield to pedestrians in a way that makes them feel safe - don't just cycle around them within inches of their person... And please don't even think of ringing your bell at pedestrians to make them cross faster (I have witnessed cyclists do this in Boston). It is the pedestrian's right to be in the crosswalk and your obligation to yield.

On the other hand, it is not the pedestrian's right to be in the bike lane itself, whether they are jogging or rolling a baby carriage, or whether it is a group of people caught up in chatting. If a pedestrian is blocking a bike lane, I think it is only fair to ring your bell and/or politely say something like "Excuse me, bike lane!" so that they move out of your way. It is rude of them to block the lane; it is not rude of you to point out that they are blocking it and ask them to move.

5. Positioning when stopped at intersections
When stopped at an intersection, stop before the crosswalk - as opposed to blocking it (as shown above), as some cyclists do in order to get a head start. It's not very nice to make pedestrians go around you as they attempt to cross the street.

If other cyclists are already stopped at the intersection when you arrive, it is generally considered polite to stop behind them - as opposed to next to them, in an attempt to compete for who goes first when the light turns green.

6. Turning
Communicate your intention to turn by signaling and merging into the turn lane early on, rather than at the last moment, so that drivers are not surprised and can yield to you properly.

Observe the same rules as if you were a motor vehicle: When making a left turn, yield to oncoming traffic; when turning right on red, yield to pedestrians crossing and to cross-traffic.

7. Wrong way in the bike lane?
I think the reason some cyclists engage in this behaviour, is to make an easier left turn.  However, it is wrong and inconsiderate to "salmon" in the bike lanes; please don't do it.  And I think it is perfectly acceptable to ask other cyclists not to do it.

8. Cycling onto the sidewalk
Upon reaching their destination, some cyclists transition onto the sidewalk and continue to cycle - dismounting when they reach the bike rack, or the front door of the building they will be entering.  My view is that cyclists should dismount upon reaching the sidewalk, and walk their bike thereafter.

9. Speed 
As while driving, it is common sense and common courtesy to slow down when executing delicate maneuvers in traffic. It is also common courtesy not to jeopardise the safety of other cyclists, even if you are in a hurry. Sometimes you just have to go with the flow of bicycle traffic, even if technically you are capable of going faster.

10. Interaction with drivers and other cyclists
Please... just be polite. If you are annoyed or frightened by a driver or another cyclist, it is never a good idea to express that sentiment by immediately insulting them or shouting obscenities. An urgent tone of voice does not need to be abusive. "You almost killed me!" in an alarmed voice is more effective than "You almost killed me, you goddamn idiot!" in a hostile voice. While it may be tempting to shout the latter version, consider that doing so can actually escalate conflict and further endanger you.

With more cities across the US creating bicycle lanes, the numbers of new cyclists out on the roads is growing. And while different states have different degrees of regulations when it comes to cycling, I think there are certain aspects of using the bike lanes that are a matter of common sense and courtesy. I hope my suggestions are useful to new users of bike lanes. Your feedback, whether in agreement or disagreement, is welcome.

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Velophilia and Its Symptoms (and Announcing Dress Guards Recipient!)

Several days ago I offered to give away a set of dress guards, and the rule was for bicycles (not their owners) to post comments about why they would like them. I expected a dozen or so comments from bicycles, but received close to 40... which made me realise that I am by far not the only one to anthropomorphise my bicycles to a point that borders on delusion. And the good news, is that when 40 people share the same delusion, that's called sanity!

[image via Laura B.]

Without further ado, I now announce whom my bicycle Linda has chosen as the recipient of the dress guards: a 1950's step-through Dutch bike named Fanny (pictured above). Here is Fanny's comment:

I'm a Dutch lady, from the mysterious Fanal family, born in the 1950s. I have naked holes running along both sides of my back fender. After reading your post about dress guards, I realized how un-lady-like it has been to leave these dress guard anchors exposed. 

I have recently been working on my appearance--rust removal, new pedals, touch-up painting, pin-striping with a gold paint pen, re-shellacking my grips, etc. It would be so nice to show up at the farmer's market this weekend with a lovely dress guard. The lilac branches in my photo (link below) might have appreciated the guard, too.

Love,  

Fanny, the Fanal

A vintage Dutch bicycle who lives in exile in the US, loves lilacs and has gaping holes in her fender? Linda dabbed at her eyes with an embroidered hanky as she read Fanny's story, and would like her to have the dress guards. If Fanny's human companion Laura B. could please send me her mailing address, the dress guards shall be on their way to her shortly! And thank you everybody for all the bicycle comments on that post; they were hilarious and a lot of fun to read!

Speaking of acute symptoms of Velophilia, I knitted this skirt while convalescing from my hopefully-not-pneumonia. The design is bicycle friendly: It looks like a narrow pencil skirt from the front, but the pointed end in the back allows it to open up while pedaling. I think cycling exclusively on a road bike for the past several weeks has made me crazed with desire to ride an upright bicycle in a skirt again.

And once the skirt was completed, I also realised that my choice of yarn looked a little familiar...

Ah yes, my mixte! My Velophilia is at its most acute when something prevents me from cycling as much as I'd like. Everything I do ends up being about bicycles.  I look forward to returning to Boston later this weekend, hopefully entirely recovered. 

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BSNYC 100% Clenbuterol-Free Friday Fun Quiz! (Warning: May Contain Clenbuterol)

Today is October 1st, 2010, which means three things: 1) It is Friday; 2) It is Tom Bosley's birthday; and 3) It is time for me to put aside my woodworking, don my best chicken suit, load up the Wagon Queen Family Truckster, and head on up to Boston for my BRA at Landry's olde bicycle shoppe.

In addition to an adenoidal whine, an irritable helper monkey, and large amount of baggage both actual and emotional, I may be bringing to Boston the foul weather we are currently experiencing here in New York. This means that the leisurely and emphatically non-"epic" pre-event ride that is scheduled to take place at 4:00pm could possibly be in jeopardy in the event of extreme and/or chubby rain, and should there be any change of plans I shall alert you to them by means of my "Tweeting" account. Regardless, the BRA proper will take place at 7:00pm regardless of weather, inasmuch as the building in which Landry's is housed presumably has some form of roofing.

In the meantime, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz, and since I will be in transit as you take it I will ask that you all adhere to the honor system in my absence. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right you'll experience confirmation, and if your'e wrong you'll experience comedy.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and avoid questionable meats.

--BSNYC/RTMS

(Alberto Contador and Oscar Pereiro unable to separate hands due to hair gel residue.)

1) Alberto Contador blames his positive Tour de France drug test result on:

--Tainted meat

--Meaty taint

--Questionable legumes

--Corrupted tapas

(Riccardo Riccò: the "Fourth Amigo.")

2) After a raid of Riccardo Riccò's house in which police found approximately 50 "unidentified tablets," Riccò blamed:

--Tainted meat

--Sabotage

--Police incompetence

--None of the above; large quantities of "unidentified tablets" is just how the Riccò rolls

3) Failed drug tests? Questionable meats? Clenbuterol? Must be:

--Cycling

--Curling

--Erotic wrestling

--Table tennis

(via the OTS)

(Minimalist entrée)

4) Minimalist mealtimes are called:

--"Nutritional interactions"

--"Eating windows"

--"Food happenings"

--"Appetite 'collabos'"

5) "Green" people are apparently unable to resist the lure of:

--SUVs

--Disposable diapers

--The latest Apple products

--All of the above

(Helmet hats: the tuxedo t-shirt of the cycling world.)

6) In "cycle chic" parlance, a bicycle is a:

--"Rustic enhancement"

--"Rusty enchantment"

--"Trusty embellishment"

--"Rusty trombone"

7) Desperate to become human banner ads, Interbike visitors flocked to the Chrome booth, where they accepted tattoos of the company's logo in exchange for free bags and shoes.

--True

--False

***Special Public Service Announcement-Themed Bonus Question***

The youth of America (Canada's sauce-splattered tuxedo t-shirt) should stay off the Clenbuterol because:

--It is a banned substance

--It is unethical

--EPO and CERA are far more effective

--It has dangerous side-effects which can seriously compromise your fingerbanging ability

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