Our friend Yanek of bicyclog in Israel has just posted a lovely photo essay of bicycles on a kibbutz.
4) "Y Water" is the first beverage that you consume anally.
I love a good biplane handlebar as much as anybody, but if it isn't illegal to control a bicycle by means of a wooden dowel duct taped to your handlebars then perhaps it should be. That said, he does have a substantial number of rubber bands handy, which means that should either the wood or the duct tape fail he can perform a repair on the fly. However, whether that is in fact the reason for all the rubber bands I simply cannot be sure. It's equally possible that he's part of some roving group of cycling marauders who do battle with each other using office supplies as weapons. While this rider clearly prefers the "rubber band fingerbang," some of his adversaries probably employ other weapons, such as the staple shooter or the dreaded flaming paper airplane. In any case, he's got plenty of ammo:
Hopefully though if he is indeed a cycling combatant he's also using sufficient head protection. If not, perhaps he should consider one of these military-style helmet/cover "modular systems," which a number of readers have brought to my attention:
Urban riders have been taking to the skateboard helmet in increasing numbers recently, and thanks to both the smooth, round shape of their helmets and the petrified looks on their faces as they learn the quirks of their new fixed-gears in rush-hour traffic, many of them look like WWII-era GIs freshly arrived in the European theater and seeing combat for the first time. Given this, I just assumed the designers figured they'd take the army thing all the way, but instead I guess it's actually supposed to pay homage to the "environment" somehow:
You can also u-lock it to your bike, even if your bike has 
Personally, I can't think of many things more ridiculous than a hat you wear over your helmet. This is why I was amazed to learn that not only is this not a joke, but also that the City of New York actually paid some company called "fuseproject" to come up with it:
I can't tell you how pleased I am as a New Yorker ITTET that the city in which I live is paying a company to design helmet hats. Each pothole I dodge on my commute reminds me that this is money well spent. By the way, if you're wondering what "fuseproject" does, here's how they explain themselves:
I read this over and over again and it meant absolutely nothing to me, but I think I've finally got it figured out. Basically, it's just a nice way of saying that "fuseproject" is an assembly line of douchery and that people pay them to take things that already exist and "bullshitify" them. For example, helmets have obviously been around a long time, but it takes an expert to bullshitify them by putting a hat on them. Also, Birkenstock has been around for a long time too, but it took "fuseproject" to figure out that they should "showcase" their "overall brand evolution" by copying Crocs:
I'd like to explain the helmet hat concept away by saying that, as the creators of the NYC condom, "fuseproject" figured they'd continue their success by sticking with the theme of things you unfurl over your head. However, I think the more likely explanation is that somebody who knows nothing about cycling thought they could make the helmet "cool." This is typical non-cycling hubris, and the result (a helmet hat) is predictably idiotic. A non-cyclist who thinks he or she can somehow solve the "problem" of helmets not being cool enough is like the person who knows nothing about plumbing, insists he can fix your faucet for you, and winds up flooding your bathroom. The truth is that helmets are the one aspect of cyling in which you actually should just copy the racers. A GI-style skater helmet or a modular helmet/hat nightmare looks no better than a typical racing-style helmet, which you can buy for like $30 or $40, which will be lightweight and well-ventilated, and which will accommodate a wool hat underneath (or, yes, a non-decorative helmet cover above if you prefer) when it gets cold:
Instead, they just bullshitified the helmet, which is about as meaningful as their safe sex campaign would have been if they'd used brightly-colored dildos instead of condoms. Really, they might as well have just promoted retro-chic 1980s hairstyles that also have potentially head-protecting qualities, such as the classic high top fade:
It's great New York City is promoting cycling, though it's too bad they paid "fuseproject" to help them "appeal to the new generation of bikers." They could have saved a bunch of money by just asking the human cannonball at Ringling Bros. Circus for advice, since his approach to safety seems to be the same: put on a stupid outfit, strap on your helmet, close your eyes, and hope for the best.
Boy, I had no idea so many people would be interested in my inept efforts to put a saddle bag together! Things are going slowly, but so far, so good. All I've done since my last post is cut and position the four plastic panels (cut from two cheap three-ring binders) that will form the front, bottom, back, and top of the bag. The sides, with their own plastic panels, will be what actually gives the bag its shape.
Sure, this article is as much about "social-media sites such as Twitter" as it is about bike theft, but it still illustrates how some people seem to feel that some of the darker aspects of life, such as theft, are somehow even darker when they touch their bicycles. Take Senan Gorman, the creator of "Karma Army," which appears to be sort of a support group for people who can't get over the theft of their valuable lifestyle sporting equipment:
This is potentially extremely dangerous. Many cyclists ride so-called "Frankenbikes." These may be beaters which they cobbled together from various spare parts, or else bicycles they "curated" simply because they enjoy a good kludge. What if the police begin to apprehend and question everybody who rides a "Frankenbike?" "Kludgie" winners would become criminals. Eccentricity like this could land you in handcuffs. The World's Greatest Madone would become America's Most Wanted. Indeed, our fundamental right to bizarre and pointless self-expression would be threatened.
Yes, it certainly didn't take too long. First, he reveals the depth of his cycling experience and knowledge by explaining how he once saw a Dutch bike while he was stoned. Next, he drops some cycling jargon by using the term "primly rectilinear." (Actually, I thought "primly rectilinear" referred to a Dutch prostitute who will agree to let you perform "the pinky test," only she will do so reluctantly and demurely.) Then, he says that an upright position helps you "see over car roofs in traffic." As I've said before, there is no seating position that will allow you to see over car roofs in traffic in the United States, where thanks to the phenomenon of vehicular bloat the typical motor vehicle can barely clear a traffic light. Furthermore, you don't need to see over cars; you need to be looking at the cars directly in front of you and at the road surface. If seeing over car roofs was a necessary feature of a city bike then we'd all be riding tall bikes, or just skipping bikes altogether in favor of hang gliders. (By the way, if you've had a hang glider stolen recently, you might want to post about your pain over at "Karma Army.")
That said, I think pretty much everybody in the world knows what a fender does, so the explanation is completely unnecessary. If he's going to assume this level of ignorance he should also explain that "pedals are primly rectilinear attachments which provide a surface for your feet and allow you to propel the bicycle forward." Granted, it is worth pointing out that Dutch bikes come with fenders, since bicycles are one of the few vehicles that are actually sold without them. But can you buy fenders separately in a bikes shop? Well, the writer wouldn't know, because he's apparently never set foot in one:
Absurd descriptions aside (yes, road bikes are designed for suburban riding, which is why the Tour de France takes place entirely in the residential neighborhoods of the Paris metropolitan area), to claim that American bike shops only carry mountain bikes or road bikes is absurd. This is like saying American car dealerships only carry dune buggies and race cars, or that American supermarkets only carry Cheetos and pâté. If anything, in an American bike shop you've got to wade across a floor full of hybrids with suspension seatposts before you can even get near a road or mountain bike. Sure, there may not be any Dutch bikes, but there will be plenty of bikes that do the same thing at half the tonnage. Then again, what do you expect from someone who begins the video that accompanies the article by salmoning?
I'd also love to tell you how an Electra Amsterdam rides. Actually, I did tell you how an Electra Amsterdam rides. This is because I did not leave it outside overnight with a crappy lock and thus was able to keep the bicycle in my possession for the duration of the test period, which should really be your first priority as a bicycle reviewer. Maybe he should blame the lack of adequate bicycle parking in his city and then post something on "Karma Army." Incidentally, he says that Electra were "cool" about the theft of the bike, which is probably because they were happy to be spared from this guy's ignorance. If he'd actually gotten to ride it he'd probably have called it a fixed-gear like he did with the Abici and totally confused any potential buyers.
As soon as you've invoked Lance Armstrong in a discussion about bicycle commuting you've revealed you're a moron. This is like saying only Dale Earnhardt, Jr. would drive a car to work, and as such we don't need paved roads. He might as well have added that the Sun revolves around the Earth on which he lives. Meanwhile, the Chinese Consolidated Benevolent Association has a different objection:
This I can understand. Anybody who has spent any time in Chinatown knows that the street space currently wasted on bike lanes is sorely needed by pedestrians for expectorating. In fact it's nearly impossible to travel in a Chinatown bike lane without getting hit by either a "loogie" or a "snot rocket," and the sheer volume of the mucus that accumulates is yet another reason why we need fenders (which, in case you don't know, are semi-circular arcs that protect from up-splash of phlegm and various bodily humors).
The Felt Gridloc has an internally-geared 3-speed hub, but can also be converted to a "fixie" or "pure singlespeed." That's a lot of drivetrain options. They should send it to the guy at Slate--it would probably make his head explode. It should also come with a sticker that says "All You Haters Fondle my Touch Points." That would at least mitigate its serious lack of "prim rectilinearity."
Calling all San Diego bicycle bloggers, riders, shop owners, advocates, enthusiasts, and anyone with an interest in sustainable urban development! A small group of San Diego bicycle bloggers has just launched a new site called, appropriately, Bike San Diego. Drawing inspiration from sites such as BikePortland and Streetsblog, the primary mission of Bike San Diego is simple: to provide a one-stop source for bicycle-related news, events, and advocacy in America's Finest City. This is an all-volunteer effort at citizen journalism by and for bicycle riders in metro San Diego and San Diego County.
"I wish I was an artist, cause I would replace that sun with the crotchal light from Friday. That would be just awesome."
Obviously online translators are generally as clunky as poorly adjusted headsets, so I'm just going to go ahead and assume that "Foot of the Gas" really should be "The Gas Foot," and that "Fuss Vom Gas" is an homage to "The Gas Face" by 3rd Bass:
The high top fade etching was the knuckle tattoo of the late 1980s.
Between all the melancholy ukuleles and doleful banjos in New York City you'd think somebody would have composed a song about the Big Skanky by now. 
The above is yet another Republic/Urban Outfitters bike, and I've been simultaneously amazed and disturbed by how pervasive they've become. While I'm certainly pleased that people seem to be riding bicycles, there's just something insidious about the way that the site's "choose your own colorway" feature has resulted in legions of bicycles that are superficially different yet fundamentally identical. It's the same feeling I get when I see groups of men in identical suits whose only means of expressing themselves is tie color. However, unlike the men in suits whose jobs often mandate specific clothing, Republic/Urban Outfitters bike owners are at liberty to choose from among a wide variety of bicycles--they just don't. Instead, they focus on important things like color choice. Perhaps when folk instruments supplant bicycles we'll instead see bars full of identically-dressed people differentiated only by which instrument they're not playing.
Not only is he regarding me with uninhibited nonplussitude, but his shirt also matches the bike and his accomplice's feet are extended towards it in a proprietary fashion.
While I agree that more and better bike parking would be nice, I'd argue that general cluelessness is also an important factor. If more people would ride in the first place instead of waiting around for things like parking then perhaps our "culture" would grow more accepting of cycling as a viable means of transportation and the amenities would follow. Then again, it's difficult for the "culture" to do so when people on bikes keep running into members of the "culture" and riding away:
Either that, or they're just hanging out.
Not only will Stevil continue to bring you the sorts of hijinx you've come to expect, but he's also branched out into the world of online banking, so in addition to reveling in cycling irreverence you'll also be able to open a free checking account.
15:55
kaniamazdar
