05:32
kaniamazdar
(From a reader in Minneapolis)
Firstly, I'd like to take this opportunity to announce that the Lobster God I worship (blessed and delicious be He) has biddeth (He has a bad lisp) that I observe the sacred holiday known to the heathens as "Presidents Day." This involves donning the Holy Vestments, heading down to the beach, and reenacting the Great Emergence. (The Great Emergence occurred when the Lobster God crawled forth from the sea and appeared to His Four Disciples, who followed Him partially because the Lobster God has interesting views on issues like health care and the economy but mostly because they had nothing better to do.) This means that I will not be posting on Monday, February 15th as I will be too busy freezing my "pants yabbies" off at the beach while wearing a lobster costume, though that evening's Boiling Ceremony should help thaw me in time to return on Tuesday, February 16th with regular updates.
Secondly, it will no doubt please you to know that the fixed-gear film genre continues to flourish. Furthermore, it is also developing into three distinct sub-genres: there's the MASHaframaDeathPedalPire "Here's how cool we are in our city that we just moved to" genre; there's the fixed-gear freestyle "I just did a wheelie in a $200 windbreaker" genre; and there's the "My friends and I are undertaking an 'epic' and potentially life-changing bike trip together" genre. A reader recently forwarded me a film of that last type in which some Nü-Freds ride from Tokyo to Osaka on "tarck" bikes, and it may represent the pinnacle of this particular sub-genre to date:
"We ride fixed-gear bikes, the kind that were created for racing on the track," explains the narrator. "But we take 'em on the street. I got a bunch of my homies together, and we set up a 400 mile bike tour of Japan..." Don't dismiss this tightly-knit bunch of "homies" as mere interlopers, though--they keeps it real. Says this rider in the statement-spoken-as-a-question inflection endemic to the Land of the 'Epic' Burrito:
"So I don't have such a touristy, like fanny-pack view of Japan, you know, I wanted to see some real shit? Just ride around and explore, man."
JUNKUN Part 1 of 2 from GOOD.is on Vimeo.
"We ride fixed-gear bikes, the kind that were created for racing on the track," explains the narrator. "But we take 'em on the street. I got a bunch of my homies together, and we set up a 400 mile bike tour of Japan..." Don't dismiss this tightly-knit bunch of "homies" as mere interlopers, though--they keeps it real. Says this rider in the statement-spoken-as-a-question inflection endemic to the Land of the 'Epic' Burrito:
"So I don't have such a touristy, like fanny-pack view of Japan, you know, I wanted to see some real shit? Just ride around and explore, man."Some of the first "real shit" they see is that track bikes don't make good touring bikes. "You all right man?," one of the riders asks this guy with the neck tattoo:
"Yeah, my knee's hurting," he replies. Well, that can happen when you go touring on an overgeared brakeless track racing bike:
If his knee is hurting I can only imagine what those untied Vans are doing to his sockless feet or those heavy camo shants are doing to his crotch. This guy's putting the "fun" in "fungus."
I was wondering why the "homies" chose Japan, though it may have something to do with this guy's uncle:
"My uncle is like a liaison between like Japanese companies...and he was just telling me try and soak up as much of their culture as you can." (I wonder if his uncle also gave him the "rubber speech.") Lest you think soaking up as much Japan as possible simply means buying a bunch of NJS components, these cultural ambassadors go much farther than that, and they actually "bro out" with a real-live Japanese dude and even let him teabag a top tube:
Then comes the self-deprecation: "We aren't great cyclists, but we can make it, 'cause our heart, you know, and our dedication, you know what I mean? That's going to push us through." Yes, it takes heart to survive a leisurely week-long bike trip through one of the most developed nations in the world. It also takes anodized gold components, though presumably it doesn't take bar tape:
This is a truly inspirational film with an important message: if you try really, really hard, and you never give up hope, you and your "homies" really can go on vacation and have an awesome time.
"Yeah, my knee's hurting," he replies. Well, that can happen when you go touring on an overgeared brakeless track racing bike:
If his knee is hurting I can only imagine what those untied Vans are doing to his sockless feet or those heavy camo shants are doing to his crotch. This guy's putting the "fun" in "fungus."I was wondering why the "homies" chose Japan, though it may have something to do with this guy's uncle:
"My uncle is like a liaison between like Japanese companies...and he was just telling me try and soak up as much of their culture as you can." (I wonder if his uncle also gave him the "rubber speech.") Lest you think soaking up as much Japan as possible simply means buying a bunch of NJS components, these cultural ambassadors go much farther than that, and they actually "bro out" with a real-live Japanese dude and even let him teabag a top tube:
Then comes the self-deprecation: "We aren't great cyclists, but we can make it, 'cause our heart, you know, and our dedication, you know what I mean? That's going to push us through." Yes, it takes heart to survive a leisurely week-long bike trip through one of the most developed nations in the world. It also takes anodized gold components, though presumably it doesn't take bar tape:
This is a truly inspirational film with an important message: if you try really, really hard, and you never give up hope, you and your "homies" really can go on vacation and have an awesome time.With that out of the way, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right you'll know, and if you're wrong you'll see some seriously romantic bike-humping.
Thank you very much for reading, ride safe, and All You Haters Worship My Lobster God. See you on Tuesday the 16th.
--BSNYC/RTMS
(Presumably fake Liz Hatch bicep tattoo via a reader)
3) If you don't want people asking to try your bike:
4) Whose back is this?
5) Whose tiny moustache is this?
6) In the Craigslist Universe, road cycling apparently has a problem with:
--Doping
--Droping
--Dropping
--Groping
("Saddle up your fixie and ride!")
7) This whole designer u-lock holster thing may finally be coming to an end.
--True
--False
***Special Field Repair-Themed Bonus Question***
When is a "peanut butter wrench" useless?
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