BSNYC Friday Attack Rabbit!

Firstly, I'd like to thank all 9,382 people (and counting) who took the time to comment yesterday in order to point out that the accent of the narrator of the Bicyclebungee video was in fact New Zealandish (New Zealandesque? New Zealous?), and not Scottish as I indicated. However, for purposes of my own credibility, I would like to point out that I was well aware of this, and that my referring to the accent as Scottish was what in pro blogging jargon is sometimes referred to as an "ironical joke." This is why, if you clicked on the word "Scottish" in yesterday's post, you saw this:

Of course, the fact that this did not come across as a joke is proof of two things: 1) I'm a clumsy joke-maker; and 2) People really do think Americans are that clueless. With regard to that second point, I feel it incumbent on me as an American to explain and clarify our unique brand of cluelessness. The truth is that, while most of us cannot find either Scotland or New Zealand (or our home states for that matter) on a map, we are well-versed in the Scottish accent, thanks mostly to our rich popular culture, which has provided us with two excellent templates. There's this one:

And of course this one:



Between these to characters and the movie "Trainspotting," even the densest American can readily identify a Scottish accent.

The New Zealand accent is a different matter, and admittedly most of us can't distinguish it from an Australian accent--with which we're all familiar, thanks to Australia's current Prime Minister, Mick "Crocodile" Dundee:

Furthermore, recently we've also learned that, in addition to the Australian accent, there's also "the other one," thanks to people like this guy:

And, to a lesser extent, these guys:

Therefore, the more discerning and culturally sensitive among us will, when we hear an accent like the one in the Bicyclebungee video, take a moment to consider whether it's indeed Australian or "the other one," in the same way some of us might take an extra moment to read the ingredients on a bottle of Starbucks Frappuccino before buying it.

Admittedly, though, most of us just declare it Australian and call it good, just like most of us prefer to buy now and ask questions later. And as far as our knowledge of the rest of the world goes, sure there are a few blanks we could stand to fill in, but on the whole I think we've got a pretty good handle on it:

A fair number of us even know it's round, and that over 70% is covered by the stuff James Cameron makes movies about and that Al Gore says polar bears are drowning in. We also know from science that it was created in seven days, and that dinosaurs and fossils are pagan superstitions. So say what you want about our educational system, but you can't say that we don't have one, or that our schools aren't great places to score drugs.

Plus, no country produces true visionaries like America (think great Americans like Einstein, Bono, and Winston Churchill), and when it comes to modern visionaries the "57 things" guy ranks right up there with the best of them. Indeed, "57 things" guy "Tweets" the sorts of thoughts that are sure to change the world:

Oh, sure, I see that happening. In fact, your fellow visionary American George Lucas is already on it:

And here's the President of that cloud government, his name is Lando Calrissian:

I can't wait until we're all fellow citizens of the Earth, living in a decentralized cloud-based Wiki-Minimalistocracy, voting for the next Supreme Ruler and World Yoga Instructor with our iPads.

Until that day comes, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz, which will most likely be the penultimate (that means "second to last," and not "ultimate penis") quiz before the end of 2010. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right the Almighty Lobster will not kill a kitten with his Pincers of Justice, and if you're wrong you'll learn how to ride your bike in Fukuoka.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and may your Bicyclebungee be long and resilient.

--BSNYC/RTMS

(Eric "The Chamferer" Murray)

1) Eric "The Chamferer" Murray says:

--"Thanks for the mention."
--"Thanks for all the attention."
--"Thanks for all the hipster pussy."
--"Go fuck yourself."

2) Money manager Martin Erzinger, who just received probation and a suspended sentence, claims he hit a cyclist and fled the scene in part because:

--He was drunk

--He was overwhelmed by the "new-car smell" of his Mercedes

--His new tires were not properly balanced

--He was all "hopped up" on Twinkies and money

3) Andy Hampsten killed and ate teammate Bob Roll during his historic ascent of the Gavia Pass in the 1988 Giro d'Italia.

--True

--False

4) This device is called:

--The Buddy Hitch

--The Bicyclebungee

--The Wheelsucker's Helper

--The Umbilidork Cord

5) Why is this woman smiling?

--Because she is examining an artisanal axe

--Because she's reading her minimalist son's blog on the iPad he got her for Christmas (using her money)

--Because she's trying desperately to mask the despair that consumes her soul

--Because she is hungry for her husband's meat

(Puh-leeze. Axes are sooo 2010.)

6) Via a reader, artisanal axes are out; artisanal ______ are in.

--Arrows

--Flensing knives

--Snowblowers

--Fish hooks

(This man wants to analyze your bodily fluid...but which bodily fluid?)

7) Power meters are out; ______________ is in.

--Blood analysis

--Sweat analysis

--Tears analysis

--Semen analysis

(Correct answer via Revolution Wheelworks.)

***Special Alternative Framebuilding Materials-Themed Bonus Question***

Good news for pandas! (Sort of.) Bamboo bikes are out; _________________ bikes are in.

--Rubber

--Partially bamboo

--Dead panda

--Recycled beverage container

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