BSNYC Friday Naked Drumming Circle!

As you may know, the speed at which a Fred goes "Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo" is 46mph:


Well, I've just learned from a reader that one Fred recently experienced "woo-hoo-hoo-hoo-us interruptus" when he was stopped by Seattle police for going 42mph, a mere 4mph shy of terminal Fredly velocity:


Nevertheless, the cyclist was still rather pleased with himself:

As the cyclist involved… I figure I should give my 2 cents.
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I was fine with being pulled over. I could have gotten a ticket and would have been OK with it; however, the SUV gaining on me from behind should have also been given a ticket. Going 42 (and by the way… why does everyone assume I was going downhill) on Admiral just keeps you with the flow of traffic. This morning, I was going about 30 mph and had a car zoom past on the right hand side and cut over right in front of me just before the merge to Spokane. Like it or not, it’s safer for a bike to break the speed limit and keep up with traffic (if possible) than to try to obey the law.
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The officer was nice about the whole situation (and seemed to get a kick out of pulling over a bike). He said he had been looking for a bike to pull over for a while (apparently, I was the first going fast enough). He told me he was careful to write a neat contact report so that I could frame it. If only I had known I was going to be clocked…

And then went on to boast that he had even exceeded woo-hoo-hoo-hoo speed (or WHHHS-1) this one time at band camp:

The fastest I’ve ever gone on a bike? 58mph down a 25% grade in England, on a mountain bike and towing a fully-loaded trailer.

That's nothing. I once hit 76mph on my Big Dummy while descending a vertical rock face in Canada and "portaging" 130 kilos of expired "back bacon." If you don't believe me just ask my girlfriend at the time, Angelina Jolie. Also, I was wearing bib shorts over my t-shirt and had a parrot on my shoulder, just like this guy:

Though that goes without saying.

Something else that goes without saying is that the time-traveling t-shirt-wearing retro-Fred from the planet Tridork Bret is the very embodiment of cycling, and a reader in Australia informs me that not only did he and his countrymen get to thrill to a Cadel Evans Tour de France win, but they also got to enjoy Bret's be-soul-patched visage as they did so:

They say that, if you listened carefully, you could hear Evans's "Woo-hoo-hoo-hoos!" as he hit WHHHS-1 on the penultimate stage.

And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right you'll go "Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo!," and if you're wrong you'll see a recumbent wedding.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and--if at all possible--ride with a parrot.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

1) Why is this rider smirking?

--He's checking out his ride stats on his iBike Dash

--He's admiring his custom titanium Seven

--He's reading a witty "tweet" on his smartphone

--He's successfully written his name with his own urine

2) Why is this rider irritated?

--He is unable to view his ride stats on his pathetically antiquated computer

--He's only ridden eight miles though it feels like more

--He's reading "The Road" by Cormac McCarthy and it's totally bumming him out

--Some Fred in a blue jersey just peed all over his bike

(Humble inventor, or hyper-intelligent space lizard?)

3) What is this man demonstrating?

--The ManuShift wireless electronic shifting system

--The UpperHand heart rate monitor and power meter

--The YouTurn motion-activated signaling glove
--The Wank-O-Tron 3000 self-pleasuring device

4) Gerard Vroomen of Cervelo is a hyper-intelligent space lizard.

--True

--False

(Humble congressman, or hyper-intelligent space lizard?)

5) Congressman Earl Blumenauer says he is:

--"Avowedly bipartisan"

--"Aggressively 'bike partisan'"

--"Vehemently bipedal"

--"Violently bisexual"

6) Always wear a helment when you're:

--Commuting

--Racing

--Trackstanding

--Riding a stationary trainer

(Minimalist lizard)

7) The latest minimalist trend is:

--Unicycling

--Tiny houses

--Consonant-only prose (or "cnsnnt-nl(y) prs")

--Ironic hoarding

***Special Frame Material Smugness-Themed Bonus Question***

(My imaginary cat, Señor Nonsequitorres.)

Fill in the blank: Steel is _________ than bamboo.

--More smug

--Less smug

--Equally smug

--Rustier

Posted in: quiz