Measure of Safety: All You Cities Sanction My Rebellion

As human beings, we have a tendency to think that we are special, and that our own needs and desires are more important than the needs and desires of others. While most of us are able to keep this self-importance in perspective, some of us actually go so far as to define ourselves by this inflated sense of self-importance. Usually, we do this by dressing differently than the majority of people yet nearly identically to other people whose needs and desires are similar to ours. In so doing, the hope is that people will recognize us at a glance and afford us the sort of special treatment we think we deserve.

This behavior really isn't a problem until two such groups find themselves in close proximity to one another. When this happens, each group begins to feel as though its status as "special" is being threatened, and they begin to argue or worse. This is exactly what's happening now in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, where the young, newly-minted urbanites known as "Hipsters" and the religious sect known as "Hasidim" have been living side-by-side somewhat uncomfortably for the past decade or so. Recently, this discomfort has manifest itself in the form of squabbles over bike lanes. "Hipsters" want them, and "Hasidim" don't. The city, of course, is Mom and Dad, and when parents seem to favor one crying child over the other you can bet the spurned one is going to throw a tantrum.

And so it was that when the city removed 14 blocks of bike lanes in Williamsburg recently to appease the Hasidim that the Hipsters grew incensed--so much so that they performed actual physical labor and repainted the bike lanes themselves. Furthermore, in keeping with Hipster tradition, they also made a video of themselves doing it, complete with soundtrack. (In the Hipster worldview, if it's not on video, it didn't happen.) Subsequently, some arrests have been made, and as the city waits for the inevitable retaliation (which will probably involve a Hasidim strike force constructing a bunch of eruvin in the trendy part of town at around 12:30pm when all the Hipsters are asleep) the local news is all over the story like a tallis on a rabbi. Here's one of the Hipsters saying the bike lanes are good:


And here's one of the Hasidim (or at least someone with a pair of "Mega Brows" posing as one of the Hasidim) saying the bike lanes are bad:


And here's an anonymous cyclist praising the "vigilante bikers" for repainting the bike lanes since "it's our only safety measure in the city:"

I like bike lanes, and I'm not particularly pleased to see them removed, but when a person on a bicycle with no brakes or lights (OK, maybe there's a rear "hipster cyst" obscured by his baggy shorts) and only a hint of bar tape says that bike lanes are "our only safety measure in the city" it makes me wish the city would administer some good old-fashioned parental discipline by taking away all the bike lanes until New York City cyclists start acting like grownups. I don't think we should go all Philadelphia and crack down on brakeless cyclists, but technically it's illegal to ride a brakeless bike in New York City, so if you're going to be an outlaw at least act like one. Don't demand the city furnish you with the safety you won't provide for yourself. It seems as though people want safety until it begins to clash with their personal aesthetic, and since you don't actually need to wear a bike lane or bolt it to your bike then it's all right to want one. Just blithely skip-stop your way around town, and when you inevitably fall-down-go-boom blame it on someone else.

As irritating as this attitude is, I don't expect it to change. Like wearing matching costumes and seeking attention and special treatment, the desire for risk-free rebellion is also human nature. This is what being "cool" is all about--not acting like so many other people that you blend in completely, yet at the same time not acting so differently that you seem like a freak or you get in trouble. This is why people like to ride bikes like this around the city:

Giordana pursuit track fixed gear bike - 51 cm - $500 (Bushwick)
Date: 2009-12-06, 4:30PM EST
Reply to: [deleted]

Giordana pursuit track frame for sale! 51cm (c-t) x 54cm (c-c) Gear ratio: 48t - 17t
Get your hands on a REAL pursuit frame.

Tubing- Oria Chromo ML 25 Mannesmann --NOT DRILLED FOR BRAKES--
Wheelset- Mavic CXP 22 laced to Velocity (650 front, 700 rear, built by Trackstar)
Bars- Mavic time trial
Headset- DuraAce
BB- Campagnolo
Cranks- Dotek
Pedals and clips- MKS (Soma Pake plastic coated straps)
Stem- generic japanese
Post- SR
Saddle- Fizik
Tires- Conti front, Vittoria Rubino rear

This bike is really fun to ride around. If I had to describe it, I'd say it's kinda like being in the drops all the time, but you're close to the stem so it's a different experience really. It rides aggressively as your weight is more towards the front than a regular track bike. It has great balance which is very important because you'll find your self riding no-handed from time to time.

Cosmetically, there are lots of chips in the paint and such as pictured. If you'd like I can point you to an excellent local powder-coater. Structurally, it is sound but it has had a repair. Several years ago there was a crack between the top tube and head tube lug that I had repaired. The crack was probably due to riding on urban streets with insane racing geometry- absolutely not caused by any type of collision. I took it to Raphael at Chelsea Bicycles, the only local guy with the expertise and years of experience to to make such a repair. He fixed the crack and reinforced the head tube and it's been running great ever since. You'll notice the Giordana logo is missing in some areas and the blue on the frame is slightly different from the blue of the fork- this is from his repaint. The only other thing is that I would suggest is replacing the sealed bearings on the wheel hubs.

I have some extra Giordana sticker decals that I never used that you can have and a fresh pair of fluorescent yellow straps (NIB Cat Eye) that I'll sell for an extra $15.

Feel free to ask any questions about the bike. If you want to come check it out and take it for a spin, please note that you can only test ride it with cash in hand. $500 firm. This is a great deal on a sweet ride.

The problem with being "cool" though is that the balance point between conformity and freakdom is incredibly tiny, and when you try to straddle it you just wind up falling off into the surrounding area called called "rationalization," and rationalization is basically the essence of comedy. Take this quote for example:

This bike is really fun to ride around. If I had to describe it, I'd say it's kinda like being in the drops all the time, but you're close to the stem so it's a different experience really.

I read this a number of times and I still can't figure out why you'd be that much closer to the stem than you would if you were riding in the drops on a "normal" bike, or how that's a "different experience." (Is his stem smelly? Has it acquired the scent of "frumunda" from his crotch due to excessive elephant trunk skidding?) The only difference I can see is that it's like being stuck in your drops permanently, hence the next quote:

It has great balance which is very important because you'll find your self riding no-handed from time to time.

A bike only has as much balance as the person riding it. For example, this bike (forwarded to me by a reader) might also have great balance if the riders are members of Cirque de Soleil:

Nevertheless, it took me awhile to figure out why "you'll find your self riding no-handed from time to time"--until I realized it's since you're permanently hunched over the bars and smelling the frumunda-scented stem, so you need to sit up occasionally in order to stretch out your back and get some fresh air into your nostrils.

The rationalization continues here:

Several years ago there was a crack between the top tube and head tube lug that I had repaired. The crack was probably due to riding on urban streets with insane racing geometry- absolutely not caused by any type of collision.

A normal person might take this as an indication that this is not a good bike for riding around the city, but if you're aspiring to be "cool" you will take it to mean that you will actually become "cool" if you manage to tame that "insane racing geometry." And even if you don't manage to tame it, you will at least get to interact with mystical people with magical bicycle powers:

I took it to Raphael at Chelsea Bicycles, the only local guy with the expertise and years of experience to to make such a repair.

He must be the Pai Mei of pursuit bikes.

If you do decide you want to purchase a bike from someone who practically dares you to ride it, be sure to adorn it with your own personalized chainring. Yes, a reader informs me you can order your own engraved chainrings now. Here's what I recommend for the Giordana:


Once you've installed that, you can then top it off with a "sit poll," forwarded by another reader:


guizzo carbin fiber sit poll - $30 (queens)
Date: 2009-12-07, 4:18PM EST
Reply to: [deleted]

i have a used no cracks guizzo carbin fiber sit poll $30 infterested call 347 334 [deleted]


"Carbin" may not be as good a material as "crabon," but either way a "sit poll" with no seat is truly the ultimate in discomfort. This bike's really coming together. Too bad there aren't more bike lanes in which to ride it safely.

Posted in: cycling in new york city