Here in the New York City metropolitan area we sit shivering on the cusp of a cold and possibly snowy weekend:
Ordinarily, I'd be dismayed by this outlook, but in this case I'm pleased since I'm hoping the weather will thwart (or at least torture) those planning to partake in this weekend's ill-advised and potentially embarrassing Williamsburg bike lane naked temper tantrum. Unfortunately though, it will probably only encourage them. The sorts of people who think that foisting their unsightly figures on others will actually turn anything but stomachs probably also think doing so in a snowstorm somehow enhances their "street cred," and they've also been conditioned by their parents and their liberal arts colleges to believe that the only thing between themselves and what they want is the creativity of their own complaining.
In other news, in case you've been sick with worry these past 24 hours, you can rest assured knowing that Anne Hathaway is okay:
Things were touch-and-go there for awhile, but fortunately she was protected from that hulking, menacing, pink and purple bicycle by her diminutive German luxury sedan. Meanwhile, the rest of the press has picked up on the story that the cyclist was a paparazzo, which the police concluded due to the fact that he was carrying a camera:
This only shows how ignorant the LAPD is with regard to cycling, for it's common knowledge that all fixed-gear riders carry photographic equipment at all times so they can keep their friends and the world apprised of the ever-changing "colorways" of their bicycles. In this case, the cyclist was probably on his way to a Fixedgeargallery shoot when the accident took place. In fact, in this post-crash interview, the cyclist says he didn't even know who Hathaway was, which means either the police are wrong or he's an exceedingly poor paparazzo:
I can't help suspecting the former.
That said, I'm pleased to send you off into the cold with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right you'll feel as smug as a naked protester, and if you're wrong you'll see a failed elephant trunk skid.
Thanks very much for reading, ride safe this weekend, and most importantly, ride clothed.
--Jolly
3) 'Tis the season to be:
--Smug
--The average Portland cyclist owns at least two motor vehicles
--White people are fleeing the city in droves
--White people are fleeing the city in droves
"Consider also that the steely glare of Nordic women may appear cross to other cultures, but when you know it [all too well] you are aware that it may contain a dozen different emotions and expressions. It is disarming and quite fantastic."
5) Where can you find this rationalization for Nordic nonplussitude?
--Only $99 with your in-store purchase of $199 or more
--Free with your purchase of McDonald's new "Hipster Happy Meal"
--Free with your purchase of McDonald's new "Hipster Happy Meal"
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