BSNYC Friday Fun Quiz!

Firstly, I'd like to take this opportunity to remind you of my upcoming BRA (or "Book-Related Appearance.") However, it turns out I don't have any upcoming BRAs (or "Book-Related Appearances") scheduled at the moment, so instead I'll just gratuitously remind you about other things. For example, today is Art Garfunkel's birthday, so remember to send him a card. (Make sure you don't sign it "Here's to you Mr. Garfunkel, Regis loves you more than you will know." It really annoys him.) Also, a week from tomorrow on Saturday, November 13th, there is a cyclocross race on Staten Island:

As I've mentioned before, we're now living in the era known as "Cyclocross 2.0," so given the waterfront venue it is ideally situated for docking the vessel you will require in order to transport all your cyclocross essentials.

Speaking of my book, as I've mentioned before it is now available in the UK and Australia as of this week, and out of curiosity I visited the ".co.uk" URLway of that online retailer named after a popular South American river to see if they had it in stock. I'm pleased to report that they did, but I'm displeased to report that it is not the #1 cycling title on that website. In fact, the #1 cycling book on [insert name of popular South American river here].co.uk is "100 Greatest Cycling Climbs: A Road Cyclist's Guide to Britain's Hills:"

Now, I didn't really expect to be #1, but to be beaten by a book that combines "Greatest Cycling Climbs" and "Britain's Hills" is like releasing an album and being beaten by "Vanilla Ice's Greatest Hits." Mont Ventoux, Alpe d'Huez, the Stelvio--now these are great climbs. Meanwhile, "Britain's Hills" are more like this:



Granted, I haven't ridden Mont Ventoux, or Alpe d'Huez, or the Stelvio, or any of the hills of Britain, so the truth is I have no idea what I'm talking about.

By the way, my book wasn't the #2 cycling title either. That distinction goes to a similarly oxymoronic tome:

Scandalously, rumor has it that the author, a professional cyclist himself, actually consumed pork at certain points in his career to aid in recovery. This is often referred to as "Jewish doping."

Speaking of religion, a reader informs me that noted musician and cycling advocate David Byrne has become an ordained minister and is now marrying people:

("By the power of smugness vested in me...")

I was particularly amused to note that Byrne manages to remind the world yet again that he doesn't have a car, as if we didn't know this already. David Byrne reminds people that he doesn't have a car in the same way that rappers remind their listeners that they're rich, or that "The Only Gay in the Village" reminds people that he's gay. In fact, his book, "The Bicycle Diaries," is perhaps the most "epic" reminder of the author's non-car ownership the literary world has ever seen. Yes, you live in Manhattan where you don't need a car, and when you travel you get chauffeured around. I get it. I'll prick up my ears when he writes a sequel called, "Fuck It, I'm Buying a Hummer."

And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right you'll know, and if you're wrong you will see folding.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and fold like the wind.

--BSNYC/RTMS

(Mark "The Man Missile" Cavendish administers a self breast exam while conferring with his doctor on a pretend cellphone.)

1. Mark Cavendish doesn't have a problem with:

--Late night doping controls

--Early morning interviews

--Adequate signal strength on his make-believe finger phone

--Full-frontal nudity, as long as it's tasteful

("It was the vest of times, it was the man-purse of times.")

2. Rapha's "A Tale of Two Cycling Cities" essay includes mention of:

--A "dodgy crotch"

--A "dicky zip"

--A "zippy dick"

--A "booby hatch"

3. Which is not a recent Bozeman Daily Chronicle news item?

--"Elk Bike Strikes Again"
--"Brucellosis Turns Up on Flying D"
--"Officials Seek Information on Horse Shooting"
--"Musician and Author David Byrne Does Not Own Car"

("Good girl, here's a biscuit.")

4. When doing a bicycle component photo shoot for Craigslist, make sure to:

--Include a disembodied thumb

--Include a disembodied foot

--Set it in a sauna

--All of the above

5. Faster than the speed of:

--"Lite"

--Sound

--Smell

--A leafblower

(Permafrost is the new beard.)

6. This winter, the hottest cycling accessory is the:

--Beard defroster

--Insulated penis bag

--Handlebar-mounted salt spreader

--Warming suppository

(Bicycles are Barbie dolls for "hipsters.")

7. This winter, the hottest bicycle accessory is the:

--Top tube pad

--Stem pad

--Headtube mustache

--Bottom bracket merkin

***Special Celebrity Car Ownership-Themed Bonus Question***

("I'd change my outfit but I don't own a car.")

David Byrne owns a car.

--True

--False

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