BSNYC Friday Thanksgiving Fun Quiz! (And Also I'm Taking A Snobbatical!)

(In 16 years, this poor child is going to make his parents' lives a living hell, and/or become a minimalist.)

With the Thanksgiving holiday now upon us like an oversexed turkey upon the back of a nonplussed Dachshund, it is incumbent (or, at the very least, recumbent) on me to announce that I will be taking a short leave in order to tend to various matters, including but not limited to spiritual exploration, non-blogular work projects, routine life maintenance, and of course amateur food stylization. I may even buy an artisanal axe and amortize the considerable cost by going door-to-door and asking my neighbors if they have any wood in need of hewing.

This leave will commence as of the end of this post and it will continue through next week, after which I will return on Monday, December 6th with regular updates.

Again, that's Monday, December 6th--which I might also remind you is Alberto Contador's birthday. If you're looking for any last-minute gift ideas, I would recommend a subscription to the exotic meat of the month club. It's the gift that keeps on giving--excuses.

Speaking of reminders, I'd also like to remind you that Bicycling magazine, the periodical for which I pen a column ("pen" is pretentious for "scribble in crayon") is having a contest to find the best amateur bicycle mechanic in New York City, which you can read more about and enter here:

Moreover, I've somehow been wrangled into giving the "play-by-play on all the action" at the actual contest on December 8th, so if you like "play-by-play" and "action" I hope you will attend the contest. I'll also do my best to bring along some items to give away, like maybe some of my coffee, or even a half-empty package of cotton swabs.

By the way, I was amused to note that, like a typical SUNY school, Bicycling require a half-assed essay from all applicants:

In your essay, tell us in 250 words or less "Why should you be picked to compete in the Bicycling Magazine Bike Repair Challenge?"

250 words on why you should be allowed to help Bicycling promote their book may seem like a lot of work, but if you're as lazy as I am you'll note the key here is the "or less" part, and if I were entering the contest I'd probably go with something simple like this:

Because Nostradamus foresaw it.

The fact is, people don't invoke the prophesies of Nostradamus as much as they used to, which is a shame because they're just as relevant, profound, and persuasive as they were back in the 1500s. Also, that's pretty much exactly what I wrote in my SUNY application, and while I'm not saying they actually let me into the school I will say that at least I have a column in Bicycling magazine, so there you go.

Having gotten all that out of the way, I'm now pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, consult the prophesies of Nostradamus, and click on your answer. If you're right (and if you consult Nostradamus you will be right, since he predicted everything) you'll see confirmation, and if you're wrong you'll see another offroad recumbent "edit."

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and have a great holiday (even if you're not of the American nationalityway).

--BSNYC/RTMS

(Mark Cavendish is a merciless winning machine--except when he's sobbing uncontrollably.)

1) According to Mark "The Man Missile" Cavendish, victory is:

--"About beating other people"

--"About getting beaten by other people"

--"A dish best served cold"

--"A more pretentious form of winning"

2) Why are Mario Cipollini and Andrei Tchmil shaking hands?

--Because they'll both be working together on team Katusha
--Because Tchmil and his wife have just signed up for Cipollini's partner-swapping sex retreat in the Italian Alps

--Because Tchmil has just won Cipollini's velvet blazer in a tense game of "rock-paper-scissors" and it will totally complete his outfit

--Because they will both star in a buddy cop movie called "Hair Gel & Borscht"

3) Why does this woman have a helmet tucked underneath her arm?

--She is a Giro spokesperson

--She is a contestant in the Triathlete.com model search

--She has just used it as a stencil for her haircut

--She found it between her thighs after a transition area tryst

(Conan the Barbarian Food Stylist adds flourish to a fast food hamburger.)

4) Which is not a common food stylist trick of the trade?

--Substitute heavy cream for milk when photographing cereal

--Add aspirin powder to champagne to create extra fizz

--Crush your enemies, see them driven before you, hear the lamentations of their women, and use their blood for ketchup that looks even more vibrant and delicious than the real thing

--Sprinkle talcum powder over charcoal to simulate ash

(Oops!)

5) What is the sound of a bicycle flying off the roof of a car at highway speed?

--"Snap!"

--"Crackle!"

--"Pop!"

--"Whap!"

(What, no cat field?!? Shame on you, Portland!)

6) The most significant cultural difference between North American cyclocross and European cyclocross is:

--The depth of the talent

--The level of amateur participation

--Spectator turnout

--Schmaltzy quasi-country theme songs

(Right answer courtesy of All Hail The Black Market)

7) Why is the "FixieHook" fixed-gear specific?

--It is "simple yet elegant"

--It is designed for "holding the bike on the wall for all to see and envy"

--It is absurdly overpriced

--All of the above

***Special Highly Cringe-Inducing Thanksgiving Rap PSA-Themed Bonus Question***

Fill in the blank: "Go _____."

--Vegan

--Vegetarian

--With God

--Fuck Yourself

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